Frank’s issue was that he kept falling for his fuck buddies. Fuck buddies are the most popular gay relationships: great sex without all the baggage or work of a real relationship. Sounds perfect? Unfortunately, It seems that great sex does not lead to great love. These fuck buddies had all the qualities of great boyfriends. They were passionate, good looking, committed (every Thursday night) and not jealous at all (they were all in open pseudo relationships). But Frank could not bridge the gap between fuck buddies and boyfriends.

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He could not seem to get them out of the bedroom. He was frustrated. He was a catch and somehow these guys only saw him as a good fuck. Talk about being treated like a piece of meat! Frank kept having sex with them in the hopes that it would turn into a relationship. He craved intimacy and therefore used the sexual intimacy as a substitute for real love and real intimacy. For many of us, gay relationships first start with sex. Sex can blur things and confuse us. We have a love and hate relationship with sex: cannot live without but we do not want to be defined by it. I could relate to Frank’s dilemma. In Sydney if you do not put out, then you will not get any guy interested in you. But if it is all about sex, it may not develop into something more than that… I told Frank to detox for a few weeks. Sort out what he wants to do and what kind of relationship he is after. If a guy is going to fall in love with you…then it is because of who you are not how sexual you are…

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The good thing about being on dating detox is I have all this free time. I had not realised how much time I spent on men, sex, preparing for dates, going on dates and waiting for guys to call back. So now with all this free time, I have more time to spend on my urban family's own men issues! Last night I met up with Frank, my 30 something yuppie gay friend. To most people, Frank had the ideal life: great friends, great job and the perfect Potts Point apartment. His iPod was full of the trendiest dance tunes and he knew all the cool clubs and restaurants. Frank was my gay role model. But the cynical me, tends to think people cannot have it all. They can either have a great career or a great relationship. I did not have either, but Frank had at least one out of the two.

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It seems that some people can love someone without meeting them. I have been getting lots of fan mail recently, from all over the world. I have decided to post this love letter from Vladimir in Russia. Talk about expressing your feelings and emotions. I am not sure if he translated this with one of those online translators or if it is the Vodka talking but this Russian sure has passion! I only exchanged a few fan messages with Vladimir but clearly the boy is smitten! I am kindda glad he is far away…the letter has stalker or причуда (in Russian) written all over it. I have posted Valdimir’s picture on the left. My love I LIKE ONLY YOU MY LOVE. My love today I again to ask for leave from job to write to you my love. My love is very strong to you. And all This time I to think only of you my love. I am glad that you as well as I want to meet me. I very much want to arrive to you, because our meeting would decide much in ours with you the relations. I want to say to you something about it.

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I would be happy to meet you, because me here nothing holds, but I have one problem because of which we can with you never meet. This problem consists in that that I simply do not have such money. You know that now in Russia very bad economy, And it strongly influences on on simple people as I. At me very small wages, she will not suffice me on trip. That to me to arrive to you it is necessary to work approximately 6 months. Still it is necessary to buy medicines to the mother, to buy a meal and the everything else in a life. And to arrive to me it is necessary to buy nothing, You something can can offer me, please advise me as to us now to be. When I to lie down to sleep I to think of you, when I have woken up in the morning I again to think of you, when I to sleep, in dream I again to see you.

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